Parlem de tu, i fa cinc anys

I era exactament aquesta hora a la que hui m’he despertat de manera sobtada quan te’n vas anar, però no del tot, perquè dins de mi sempre seguiràs estant. 

Tu em vas fer la dona que ara sóc, i sense voler-ho em vas donar la lliçó de vida més gran que he tingut mai. La teua mort, la mort, eixa mort de la que no es parla, com si per no anomenar-la no haguera d’existir, em va fer saber què és la vida. I com vull viure-la. 

I ara, passat el mal insuportable d’haver d’enfrontar la teua absència, comence a poder ser feliç de nou. Portant-te dins, però no com un fre, sinó tot el contrari: com un alé incontenible que se m’escapa pels porus, obrint els ulls a tot el que ve, vivint cada instant i valorant-lo, perquè la vida, al final, són els petits detalls que ens fan sentir bé. 

Amb tu vaig inventar aquell moment bonic que cada dia havia de tenir, i si no el tenia s’havia d’inventar. Ho vam fer des del principi de l’enfermetat i fins a l’últim moment a l’hospital. Encara ara ho faig, cada dia, sense faltar-ne un, i espere no deixar de fer-ho mai. I en fer-ho et sent més a prop. I em sent més viva. 

Et dec això i molt més. Perquè sense tu no seria jo.

I encara ningú no ho ha expressat millor que Martí i Pol.

Parlem de tu, però no pas amb pena.
Senzillament parlem de tu, de com
ens vas deixar, del sofriment lentíssim
que va anar malfonent-te, de les teves
coses parlem i també dels teus gustos, 
del que estimaves i el que no estimaves,
del que feies i deies i senties, 
de tu parlem, però no pas amb pena. 

I a poc esdevindràs tan nostra
que no caldrà ni que parlem de tu
per recordar-te, a poc a poc seràs
un gest, un mot, un gust, una mirada
que flueix sense dir-lo ni pensar-lo.

(A falta de rituals en què poder participar, aquest poema i aquesta imatge són, des de fa cinc anys, tal dia com hui, el meu homenatge particular…). 
 

13 pensaments a “Parlem de tu, i fa cinc anys

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